Doctors are being extremely cautious about the man's chance of recovery, however. Family spokesman, Dr. Leonard Toole, says, "Well, it's a very touchy situation, that's for sure. Due to this terrible accident he's sustained severe brain trauma so we're going to have to take this moment by moment, day by day. There's just no way of knowing if he'll regain any or all functionality or if he'll remain a complete, drooling vegetable, which, unfortunately, is the state he's in currently." When asked if mere choking could cause such a horrible physical injury, Dr. Toole responded, "Oh, no. It wasn't the choking, it was the second of exposure to the Glenn Beck show that caused all the brain damage. So yeah, there's real cause for extreme and intense concern."
Off the record, several reliable sources confided in this reporter that this poor man is totally fucked. One source said, "He just didn't have the systemic capability to withstand such a sudden, overwhelming onslaught of toxic, bilious, batshit insanity. Yes, that is the proper medical terminology. Nevertheless, most people get enough small doses of it throughout the years to be able to fight it off, to build up an immunity to it. Some simply get infected by it and it slowly rots their brains out over time like syphilis, and a small percentage of people react like this guy did. His whole being shut down rather than face it. He was just too sane to handle it. Damn that Glenn Beck! He should be declared a public health hazard!"So there you have it, good readers. You've been warned...
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32 comments:
Fucking AMEN! Love the poster btw
Seeing Eye Chick: Thank you, my friend!
Wonderful.. I love your diagnosis.
Off the record, several reliable sources confided in this reporter that this poor man is totally fucked.
*Wish I could have written like that when I was a reporter!* And yes, your posters are fantastic!
Annette: Thank you!
Riot Kitty: Thank you! I do try to make an a effort. lol.
A tragic case. His only hope is massive doses of Bill Maher and Rachel Maddow , and he'll probably need regular boosters of liberal blog postings for life to maintain anything like normal functionality.
Still, even Beck Brain Blowout Syndrome is not quite as dangerous as the dreaded Limbaugh Limbo Effect, in which sufferers lose all normal life functions and become undead -- animated corpses mindlessly wandering at random and trying to spread their "ditto plague" to the living.
Love the poster, but don't be surprised if the orangutan sues. Orangutans are much too intelligent to watch Beck.
Infidel753: I wish I shared your enthusiasm and optimism. Unless he regains consciousness I don't think Maher or Maddow will do him any good. As he currently is he's barely a Reagan suppporter.
Yes, the right has many personalities that can cause severely damaging conditions, the worst of which is conservatism itself... *shudder*
I'm not worried about the orangutans. They understand sarcasm and similes better than people who are actual Beck fans.
I hope he divorced his wife and sued the bitch for turning on Glenn Beck.
Phuck: He's still in a coma and even if he comes out of it he'll probably be a bed bound vegetable, with no higher brain fucntions.
Call Bill Frist and Jerry Falwell. Save Terri Schiavo and keep her on life support for the next 20 years.
Oh wait...sorry wrong blog.
Nancy: Oh, it figures you'd make this poor man's health condition and family's wishes a political football for your own liberal fascist gains!
;-)
I thought I was in a chat room about sewing. Really I did! We were discussing what a strumpet Sarah Palin is and suddenly I found myself here. Since I am here now, did I hear someone say Glenn Beck is on life support? Oh goody! Do tell!
Nancy: Are you a blonde? lol. Glenn Beck isn't on life support; he is responsible for another man being on life support. Simply reading the blog helps immensely in understanding the comments. lol
Am I a blond? No, but I play one on blogs sometimes. LOL.
Nancy: Despite your liberal mentality I think you're a blonde away from the blogs also. lol
Oh geeze. You're on to me. At least I'm not a teabagging 'blonde.' ;-)
Nancy: I'm not even gonna touch that one with a comment except to say, "I'm not even gonna touch that one with a comment except to say", 'I'm not even gonna touch that one with a comment except to say', etc., etc., etc. ad infinitum.
I got dizzy on this one. lol
if that ever happens to me, i hope the death panel forces my doctor to pull the plug.
Nonnie: If it comes to that I'll pull the plug on you myself because I won't dare let a death panel come between you and your doctor...or your life. lol
I, on the other hand, believe that the wife should receive a medal for having the stone to be in the same room with Glen Beck, even though it was to save her husband's life. Fast-thinking woman. I probably would have tried Rush first and unfortunately would have gotten entirely different results--certain death for the poor man as a result of trying to inhale the air that had been sucked out of him while simultaneously trying to spit out the influx of pulchritudinous ions.
poietes: "influx of pulchritudinous ions?" Damn, I wish I had thought of that! Welcome back!
Cute.
For what its worth, I don't watch Glenn Beck.
Not because I don't like him or like him, but simply because I don't have the time to watch him when he's on.
However, Dr Laura used to make me feel the same way in the mid 90's.
And probably Bill Maher would make me feel the same way today.
G: Thanks. I think however, Beck is the complete package: unhinged drama queen, piss poor political pundit and snake oil salesman. Dr. Laura, while I couldn't stand her ideas, didn't come across as a complete unhinged, clueless loon like Beck. Maher, is a standup comic, first and foremost, so I don't hold him to the same standard as someone who feels he's guarding that holy, moral wall to keep us safe, while he's crying and shitting his drawers doing it. lol
Consider influx of pulchritudinous ions my gift for being away for so long.
poietes: I hope this isn't some new trend where I get really cool phrases out of you after you've been gone a long time... lol.
Lemme guess: the poor chap had no insurance, so there is a collection going on now, among his friends and relatives, to cover his growing hospital bills.
BTW: Dr. Laura, while I couldn't stand her ideas, didn't come across as a complete unhinged, clueless loon like Beck
LOL! I dunno, Zirg... IMO, she is unhinged enough. And stunningly hypocritical.
Elizabeth: I think he should get Beckwards to foot the bill, but what do I know, eh?
As far as the Dr. Laura thing goes, yeah she's unhinged, but not completely unhinged like Beckerwood. Seriously, do you think she is on the same scale as him? He's in a class all by himself, although Michelle Malkin and Michele Bachmann come really close. Now that I think about it Bachmann may be up to his level.
How dare you make fun of orangutans, you foolish human! Double lobotomy for you. **hrumph**
Dr. Zaius: In my defense I did isssue a pre-emptive apology in the tags :-P
You never know. It's been building up, and you just have a way of bringing out the best in me.
Mwah ha ha, she laughs fiendishly . . .
Poietes: Uh, thanks? I guess. lol
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